It would be a lie if we said that everyone has the thought “I wish…I was with a better partner”. This is normal and common. It happens when we become unhappy or see faults in our partner.
If you cannot stop thinking about someone else, it is not cheating. It could be the point before you decide you want to cheat or it could be the moment in which your relationship is being questioned.
You are stuck between two people who clearly have your attention for different reasons. You might be a long-term partner with one person, but the other could be someone new to you who has given you something that you are missing in your relationship. You have a crush on this person.
Why are we so concerned about the well-being of our partner?
This can be caused by a variety of reasons.
If you’re in a committed relationship, you may feel guilty but can’t help thinking about someone else. You may feel guilty about betraying your partner but it could also make you wonder what this says about your relationship.
It is possible to have a crush on someone and find someone else more attractive. It is not impossible to find other attractive people. It doesn’t mean that we have to be blind to the beauty of others just because we are in a relationship. As long as you don’t take action on it, it’s perfectly normal.
Crushes on people, however, are quite different. They often involve imagining how it would feel to be with the person. The crush goes beyond the physical and into the emotional.
If you find it hard to stop thinking about another person because you feel they can satisfy a need you don’t have, this could be because you believe that they can. This could be your need for attention, love, friendship, or something else.
Crushes can happen for many reasons. However, they often sneak up on us. It can be very frustrating to discover a crush while you are already in a relationship.
Perhaps something happened in your relationship that has made you feel less connected with your partner. Maybe your partner has betrayed or you have a new job. It could be a normal part of long-term relationships, where there is a ebb or flow.
It’s a smart idea to ask yourself why you think so highly of someone else. Is it a sign of something missing in your relationship? This will help you to understand why you feel this way and give you a start point for how you can change it.
Steps to help You Think Straight
It’s easy to see the grimness in things, and it is possible. They don’t have the to be. You can solve your problem by taking some initiative and reflecting on the situation.
1. Be honest about your relationship
Are you content? Or could you do with some serious changes? It’s not a good idea to think negatively about another person while you are in a relationship.
It doesn’t matter if the thought is passing. But if you are obsessed about someone, it’s time to ask yourself why.
Perhaps you aren’t getting enough sex or you argue too much, and this person is kind to you. It doesn’t matter what it is, it has an impact and leaves you open to being vulnerable enough for this to happen.
2. Take a moment to think about the other person.
What made you think about them? What was it that you noticed that made you stop and think about them? This person did something that caught your attention, in keeping with step 1. Find out what it might be.
Did they make your day more fun? Did they make you feel like you had a lot to share?
Did they pay attention to you and make you feel a little bit more humble? Did it have to do with something superficial like their appearance? Ask yourself why you are falling in love with them.
3. Take two and add two: Does the intruder fill the gaps in your relationship?
Do things now make more sense? You might consider using another person to meet your needs if your partner has been acting mean recently.
This person is legitimately your partner’s boyfriend or girlfriend. You let yourself be swept away by another person. You may be using the unsuspecting person for your own gain, but not because you love them.
People often love their partner but can’t help thinking about another person. This feeling of butterflies could be due to you using another person for your selfish needs.
This is the same feeling that you would get if someone suddenly rescued you from the desert and gave you water.
4. Hypothetically – If there were no major issues in your relationship would the other person still be relevant?
This can be done by thinking back to a time you were happy with your partner, but not during the honeymoon phase. Let’s face the truth, you are in the honeymoon phase when you’re wearing blind glasses.
You can be sure that there was a moment after that where you felt happy and fulfilled. Would you ever think of the other person if you could have that experience again?
5. Try to think realistically. Who do you most often speak to, and to whom do you most want to talk?
Which person do you spend more time with or miss? That feeling you have when you want to talk to someone and you can’t stop it, even if you try to put your foot down, you know deep down that you are just delaying the inevitable. Who gives you that feeling?
This is the person that you talk to most every day. They are the one you worry about the most and the one you love spending time with. You will feel complete with the person who makes you happy, even when you share moments of sadness. [Read: What to do if you love someone, but are already in a relationship]
6. Once you have all the information in order, choose one person.
It’s clear that you are more attracted to one person than to the other, and that you have a special relationship with someone.
You can love one or the other if you are unlucky. Who feels more authentic, less selfish, and more long-term? Is it more about what you are missing or craving?
It may take some time to pick one person but it might not be difficult after all the previous steps. Each case is unique, but the same thing remains true: you are always the third option. If you feel overwhelmed and unable to choose, you can always go to someone else.
It may sound strange, but it is true. Do you want a relationship that can stand alone, or are you looking for a partner who will share your love? [Read: Are you torn between two lovers?” 16 criteria to choose the right one for you
7. You can take a break from work for a few days.
Talk it out right away, if you feel the timing is right. If your partner is open to the idea and takes it seriously, it’s a good sign that you are serious about it.
They know that they have failed to meet your expectations and they are aware of this. You simply see them in someone else. This is the end of the story.
If they don’t respond well to the news, it’s probably not the right time. Be sincere in your feelings and explain that you are with them. [Read: Love triangles, and the confusion they create]
8. You can decide to end the relationship with the person you are not in love with.
They will be furious, and they have every right to be. Don’t be afraid to take the heat. You can’t do or say anything to make your ex feel better or make it easier for them.
This step is not going to look pretty. There aren’t many other things to say. It’s one of those things that…shouldn’t be. Recognize your guilt, admit that you cheated, and tell the truth. You have no defense. [Read: How do you break up with someone that you love?]
9. Do not feel bad, you did the right thing either way
Never cheat. After you’ve made peace both with your partner and the situation, it is time to make peace within yourself. After years of abuse, neglect, and cheating, some people will try to force you out of your love.
Sometimes people just grow apart. You can also love two people for different reasons. However, that doesn’t mean you love the whole person. It is better to be alone.
Do you need to tell your partner that you are in love with someone else?
If you find yourself constantly thinking about someone else, tell your partner. You might say something along the lines: “I just wanted… to reflect on our relationship. Bob/Jill really made it so much easier for me…” I’m so grateful for their kindness and patience. It made me want to… work with you. If you want to be with your partner, I don’t want to create a better relationship with them.
There is no better way to say things if you are leaving. It’s still best to start with the positive times, and then move on to the more recent events.
Stop thinking about another person when you are in a serious relationship
There are many ways to move on from a crush if you decide to let go of your obsession with someone else. [Read: How can you stop being obsessed with someone else and regain your heart]
You must first consider who the person is and how often they see you. Is this your boss? Are they a friend of yours A friend of a friend If you are able to see them regularly, it will be harder to forget about them.
If you don’t want to think about someone, you should try to get rid of regular contact with them. This can be difficult or easy depending on the person. [Read: 27 soul-sucking signs that your crush doesn’t like you back]
If you don’t see them often, you should try to avoid bumping into them as much as possible.
If you must see this person regularly, then you need to think about other changes that can be made. If you have to work with this person, it might be necessary to cut down on the number of people you see or to not volunteer for work projects.
The bottom line is to get away from people you cannot stop thinking about. This is the only way to get your focus back on your relationship.
Don’t worry if you find yourself constantly thinking about someone else in a relationship. It is quite common. Don’t be ashamed if you love your partner. Instead, use this warning as motivation to change. You can make peace with your partner if you don’t love them anymore.